yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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