they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
