the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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