It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
