yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have already put on my inside pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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