No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she told me i tasted like america
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
