My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
