I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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