I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
