I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
