Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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