if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
