I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
