i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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