She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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