your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
