Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize