HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
