You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
