Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
