i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
