I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
