My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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