I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
