1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
