I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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