if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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