It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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