Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
