If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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