I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
