What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
