It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
