If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
