Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the raccoons are back...
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