There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
