Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
