she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
