its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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