don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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