they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
