the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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