We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
