My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
