she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
