Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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