saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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