My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
