Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
