I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize