hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
