if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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