Me too!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
