So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
