she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
