i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
