Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
