Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
