About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
