I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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