did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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