I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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