I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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