I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
