I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize