he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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