my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
