Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
