You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
