Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
3 2 1 whiskey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize