Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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