It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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