Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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