lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
