That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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