I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
