I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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