If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
