I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
