dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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