drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
